Balance or Chaos There is No In Between!

  The definition of balance is to keep or put something in a steady position so that it does not fall, as a noun it means an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.  I have found myself out of balance in the past few months. It seems it would be easy to achieve balance in my life but I struggle with it and it's difficult to hold onto.  I have been unemployed since July 2011 and since I have been home my mind is constantly spinning.  It's because I don't have that balance and structure that I crave, I don't know what to do with my days to fill them with positive productive things.  I will tell you that when I seek God, pray, read my devotions and even the bible my days just flow and I feel balanced again.  It's because God is honoring my decision to put Him first in my day and He in turn blesses my days and I feel productive and peaceful.  He is holding me steady and upright, He is helping me so I don't fall.  All I have to do is keep following the path He has set before me and balance will come naturally. Let me be brutally honest here though I am only human and I am going to fall!! I am going to have days where I can't seem to get off the couch and depression takes over. I am going to fall off my balanced path with God and step into chaos!! 
   The definition of chaos is complete disorder and confusion; and a behavior so unpredictable as to appear random, owing to great sensitivity to small changes in conditions.  When I let negative thoughts take over and that allow that cloud to hang over my head and follow me around the enemy is right there with a path of confusion and disorder. I am completely surrounded by chaos!   I walk around in a daze and don't know which way to turn. I forget to turn to God to get my balance and structure back I try to get out of my chaos in my own will.  Let me tell you that is not pretty! I get focused on the negative thoughts about myself, then I begin to hate myself and as a result I isolate. When I isolate I become depressed and feel like a failure in all aspects of my life.  I think I fail as a wife, a best friend to my husband, a daughter, a sister, a friend and as a person.  My mind gets trapped in a chaotic darkness with nothing but lies circling in my mind over and over again.  When I fall  into that trap I become indecisive, flaky, angry, overly sensitive, lonely and every little decision becomes too overwhelming.  My communication goes to the way side and I leave my husband in the dark, as a result we fight.  Sometimes I feel like I can't function normally and the simplest of tasks becomes too complicated for me to complete.  When I say simple I mean if there is a dirty cup on the table it's like it has a staring contest with me but I can't bring myself to get it out of my sight and just put it in the sink and clean it off.  I know I will feel better if I just get rid of it and clean it but in my chaos I am paralyzed.  

  I will leave you with this verse in Deuteronomy 30:19-20, "Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live! You can make this choice by loving the Lord your God, obeying him, and committing yourself firmly to him. This is the key to your life. And if you love and obey the Lord, you will live long in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob." 

Comments

  1. My Love, let me just say, you are an amazing and beautiful and sweet loving Christian Woman that humbles me and makes me a better man. You are my rock. We will overcome all Chaos and keep GOD and his words and promises at the forefront of our minds, souls, bodies, spirits and emotions. You are the best wife a guy could ever be gifted with. I trust you more than anyone else on this earth. You are my heart and my joy, peace and happiness. You motivate me to be the man GOD wants me to be for you. James 1:2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. & John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." & Proverbs 31:10-31 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. Babe, the wife they speak of is the wife you are. I love you more than words can say and I will never leave your side. We will face down evil with GODs love and grace hand in hand!!! thank you for sharing this, you have again inspired and encouraged me in ways I cant explain!! XOXOXO

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  2. Dear one I can so relate. I have been unemployed for three months now. I certainly hear ya with the depression. Satan attacks me big time lately with physical pain. Since now I do not even have health insurance his attacks are more brutal. But, when I too fill my days with God and God activities, i.e. listening to revival programs, praising and worshiping, etc. I am more fulfilled and balanced. Deuteronomy 30:19-20 is an awesome Scripture. Thank you for sharing and being real. Blessings and safe hugs.

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  3. Thank you for sharing and writing with such honesty, Lisa. I have definitely had similar moments, and can really relate to what you described here. "My mind gets trapped in a chaotic darkness with nothing but lies circling in my mind over and over again. When I fall into that trap I become indecisive, flaky, angry, overly sensitive, lonely and every little decision becomes too overwhelming." Thanks again for raising awareness and for encouraging others to seek positive, peaceful balance through God. :-)

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  4. I am so happy that you were encouraged and I am so blessed that God is using me to help others. Thank you for your comment and honesty and most of all thank you for your support!!

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