It Happens to Men Too! Tony's Story

Over this short period of time God has introduced many people into my life. As my husband and I began to lead a class at our church we met Tony. He shared his story and he is a survivor of sexual abuse. I was inspired by his bravery and honored that he is letting me share his story with all of you!  Please see read his story and send him some encouraging words. He also has two blogs so please support him and follow him on his blogs, let's show our support for a brave survivor! 

http://ynotsrandomthoughts.blogspot.com/

http://prayingfortheimpossible.blogspot.com/

Here is his story written by him. 
  It's amazing how things happen in your life at a specific time. Some people call these instances circumstance, but I call them God moments.

Some time ago, I knew I would share this part of my past one day. I had envisioned that it would be one-on-one with someone that I would have known  for a long time and that I could trust with this dark event from my past. I had never thought that God would step in and orchestrate the event, but lo and behold He did.

It thought we were going to the dairy warehouse to play. He was a senior in high school but he liked to play with me. Being four years old, I didn't think anything of it. Back then you never heard of sexual abuse in Hawaii. This day was different. We went to a part of the warehouse that was out of sight. No one would be able to see what was going to happen.

He turned me around with my back to him and dropped my pants then my underwear. I don't know why I didn't react, but I didn't. I just stood there. There was no penetration, but instead he used my legs held tightly together to create the friction that he needed. It didn't take long but it left a mess in my underwear. He got dressed, then he got me dressed and we left. This happened a second and final time a few weeks later. After that, I avoided him as much as possible until he left to join the military.

Having been a victim of sexual abuse at a very young age, I can understand some of the emotions that go with it. Sexual abuse is ugly and dirty. You don't realize the long-lasting effects until many years later. The immediate effects for me was fear. I was afraid to tell my parents. I didn't think they would believe me because the perpetrator was the beloved son of their close neighbors.

As I got older, it remained a secret locked away in the deepest crevices of my memory. I thought I grew up like any other kid with his crushes for girls, but pornography came into my life at the age of twelve. From that point on, it affected me and my view of women. Intimacy for me became sex and nothing else. Love was physical and nothing more. When I didn't enjoy it any more, I checked out emotionally. This was one of the main reasons for my divorce.

Through the course of time, I found out that the guy that did it to me got married and had three daughters. One of the first things that came to my mind was if he had or would attack them as he did me. Should I warn his wife or someone close to watch out for what he might do? I didn't. Not too long afterwards, I found out that he had died from cancer. For me at the time, justice had been served. I felt that he died the painful death that he deserved. The anger that was locked up in me was turned loose. But I still kept it a secret.

May 15, 2012 became a day of reckoning for me. It began at our weekly gathering innocently enough when I was asked to demonstrate what sharing strongholds would be like.

I was asked if I would be part of an exercise to model what sharing a stronghold would be like with a group of leaders that would be meeting later that night with their own groups. There were probably fifty to sixty people there, most of whom I did not know very well or at all. I sat there and thought about what I would share with the group. How transparent did I want to be? What would I be willing to share about my life with these people, most of whom I did not know, that would be safe and not open me up for unwanted scrutiny? Most of these people were strangers; people that I had never spoken with or never spoken about anything of any significance. As I sat there, nothing came to mind.

Another leader began the meeting by talking about the subject of spiritual strongholds. Then she said something that would be the catalyst of what I would share. She had shared with the leaders to be prepared to hear from their group the statement, "I have never shared this with anyone before". That was the trigger. Moments later she invited a friend of mine to join me to begin modeling what that would look like, and he walked towards me. We stood together and he asked me to share my stronghold with the group.

I took a deep breath and gathered my thoughts for a moment. Then the words came out; words that I had not planned but words that were flowing freely. I spoke of the event that happened over fifty years ago. I was getting teary eyed and a little choked up, but the words kept coming out. Some other power had overtaken the moment and I felt at peace. I spoke of the boy who did this to me. I spoke of a hard time with intimacy and relationships. I spoke of listening to the lies from the pit of hell. I spoke of an event that kept me in spiritual bondage for over fifty years. I spoke of the forgiveness that I didn't have the opportunity to offer to the perpetrator. I spoke of bringing out what was in darkness into the light. I spoke of being released and free. I spoke of a loving and forgiving God.

I never realized how much toll those events had taken out of me over the years. There had been unresolved pain; putting on a smile and saying everything was okay when it wasn't. Over the next few weeks I realized a greater freedom from the darkness of those events.

Today, I still deal with the effects of the sexual abuse from years ago, but now it doesn't have the grip it had on me just a few weeks ago. I claim victory every day that I don't give in to the temptation of pornography. The memory of the sexual abuse still lingers, but I can now use it, as God brings the opportunities, for others who have experienced the same thing.

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