I am a Warrior, You are a Warrior, We are Warriors!!!

     When I think of a warrior I picture a person in full battle armor but they have noticeable scars on their arms, legs and perhaps even one spread across their right or left cheek.  They are standing at attention on guard ready to defend; they don't let those scars scare them or deter them from moving forward. Those scars are just reminders of the battle wounds they healed from and they are motivation for forward motion to defeat whatever is trying to bring them down. 
     When I picture everyday warriors I think of sexual assault survivors.  They were once vulnerable and not so ready for the sneak attack, they weren't prepared to defend themselves.  They weren't prepared because most of their attackers were imposters that infiltrated their lives. These imposters usually have good looks, they are charming and say all of the right things. They play on your vulnerabilities, they are patient, watchful, and then one day they plan their sneak attack.  It's sad to say that these imposters are sometimes family members, uncles, aunts, fathers, mothers, step fathers, step mothers or cousins. It could be a baby sitter, a boyfriend, or an online love these imposters are smart they get you when you are most vulnerable.  They don't know that after their attack that they just left the deepest of battle wounds you could put on a person. They don't care because they are selfish and devoted to their fleshly desires.
     These imposters think that they won, they left scars so deep that you may never recover.  Some get joy out of the control and lavish in watching you wither away.  What these imposters don't know is that God made survivors extra strong. They don't know that one day you will find hope and learn to love yourself again. Yes these imposters won their sneaky attack and left some wounds, but survivors are warriors.  Survivors are just that, survivors they don't get brought down that easily.  Survivors will heal, those battle wounds will turn to scars, and each step they take to heal they get another piece of a warriors armor. 
     Here is what journey to becoming a warrior looked like.  When I met my husband the first thing he saw was all of my open wounds bleeding out, but he didn't let that scare him because he looked deeper in my heart and soul. He saw purity drowning in a sea of red, he decided to jump in head first and get to that purity of my heart and soul.  My first step was what I will call, "Show and Tell", I told him about my dark past that was making me drown. We went through each battle wound one by one and I told my war stories.  I cried more than ever but these were tears of release, tears of tearing down the prison walls these tears filled up those wounds and they began to heal. 
     My second step was "Calling on God", these things that happened to me are much bigger than a human can take by themselves.  I called on God to hear me and begged for Him to respond to my cries of desperation. When you seek Him you will always find him.  I heard God's voice for the first time because I was really listening.  He said for me to surrender my pain of my past to Him, that burden on my cross was too heavy for me, it was time to let Him carry it.  I cried tears of healing and release, those tears now turned my wounds into fully healed scars and I received the first piece of my warrior's armor.  I received a shield, God's love that was shielding me from the hurt and pain of my battles lost. 
     My third step was "Forgiving", now this step probably took the longest.  I had to first forgive myself for hating myself and not loving myself as I should.  I had to forgive myself of all of the lies that I told myself that caused doubt, shame and guilt in my life.  I cried more tears of healing and release, I looked in the mirror at myself and finally saw 'me', not the victim me but the strength of a warrior in training.  My next piece of armor was given to me; new shoes the types of shoes that a no nail could penetrate. I was ready to walk to my second part of my forgiveness step.  I had to forgive my imposters that had once defeated me, why? do I need to forgive? So they don't have the power over me anymore, because I am a warrior in training and they will not prevent me from complete victory.  I said each one of their names out loud and I said, "I hate what you did to me and I will always hate the evil acts, but I forgive the person you are. I am stronger than you now and God gets to deal with you. You are no longer my problem but His." Whew that is intense isn't it? I cried so many more tears, these were tears of release these were reminders to love the new me, the me that was in training. 
     My next step was "Breaking out of my comfort zone", I started a blog to tell my story. I shared it with family, new friends, old friends, and the public.  I remember feeling the knots and butterflies in my stomach, I was in a rollercoaster of emotion. I was happy, joyful, scared, nauseated, fearful but then I remembered my warrior shield and my new shoes. This was my battle to win and so I pushed that publish and send button and my heart and soul were shining so brightly in all their purity. The blood red sea had dried up, I was free! I cried tears of release, healing and joy, I received my sword that day. I broke my silence in such a huge way that God bestowed upon his warrior the strongest sword any warrior in battle could ask for.
    My next step was "Obedience Training", and for me being stubborn and leaning towards letting fear lead her life this is a hard one.  God challenged me and called on me to do His will. I ending up telling my story at my church in front of the staff, I put my heart and soul on the internet. I wrote and wrote all of my struggles, my triumphs, I put myself out their on the internet for the world to see and read.  I reached out to other survivors on blogs to connect and relate, I kept pushing forward.  God put me into a training type position at work for practice speaking in front of people. Every time I got nervous he reminded me of the armor I was wearing and that he's got me in His hands.  This obedience training is not really a step that ends it's ongoing, it's challenging but with this constant training during the most difficult times I received my helmet. My very own warrior's helmet!
     The last step was and is "Patience". I needed to be patient and depend on what God wanted me to do. I had to pick my battles and when those came which they did often, God reminded me of my armor.  He helped me win my battles but with patience and waiting comes the big battles. Battle of will, fear, doubt, confusion and falling off the ever so straight path set before me.  With patience comes sacrifice, and with sacrifice comes blessings. I  was given the gift of the rest of my warriors armor. With my patience and honor to God he has gifted me with my warriors armor and will to fight for God. I will fight for His purpose and for all of the survivors out there who don't know that they warriors yet. God turned me into a warrior, He helped me win the war over my imposters in my life! I am finally that warrior that picture, it's finally happened and I am ready for battle!


I AM A WARRIOR, YOU ARE A WARRIOR, WE ARE WARRIORS!!!!


Click here to watch this video, the song is called Warrior!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZFjauf_hZg





Comments

  1. Wow, God Bless you! I'm so happy for your transformation and how strong you have become! Thanks for sharing your story, much love and Blessings! Lauren

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    1. Lauren, thank you for reading my blog! Thank you for the kind words; I get excited when I share in hopes to give maybe just one person hope for a better future. A future free from past pain. Thank you again for your support for my cause. Blessings to you as well.

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